Tips & Tricks Towards Practicing Body Neutrality to Prepare for Your Wedding

In the world of social media and constant trends, working on maintaining body neutrality and self-love is more essential than ever – especially when you’re getting married! Our expert opinion? Loving, celebrating, accepting, and praising your unique self is the most important thing to do as you prep for your wedding day! Keep reading to learn more about loving, accepting and appreciating your body our expert tips and from our beautiful Real Bride, Jay Elle.

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What is Body Neutrality?

PC: Marisa Kiney Photography | PC: Ally Haley Photography

First of all, what is body neutrality? To put it plainly, it means loving and accepting your body as it is! It’s reminding yourself and recognizing that you are a unique and individual person that’s more than the flaws or discomforts that you might have. It also means recognizing the beautiful things your amazing body does no matter its ability because it contains the amazing thing that makes you, you: Your soul! Body neutrality is all about what your body can do for you, not about what shape it takes.

Of course, being more body neutral towards yourself and others is easier said than done. Keep reading to see some top ideas and affirmations to start your journey!

How to Practice Body Neutrality

• Acknowledge and reframe body-hating thoughts into body LOVING thoughts.
• Eat the foods that you want to eat and that makes you feel good.
• Listen to your body.
• Stay away from commenting on others’ bodies.
• Take a holistic approach to thinking about your body.
• Observe your body and others without judgement.
• Shut down unwanted conversations about your body.
• Reframe the reasons why you take care of your body. Get out of the space where you feel like you need to do things to look better and lose weight.

Affirmations are also a great way to reframe negative body thoughts!

Body Neutrality Quotes & Affirmations

Changing your thought pattern is a difficult thing to do – especially with constant reminders from the media that you should constantly be working on yourself. To help you on the path towards body neutrality, consider putting up body neutral affirmations and quotes around your spaces. Here are a few to begin with!

• Try body-neutral affirmations like “I will respect myself,” “I know that my body belongs,” and “I accept my body as is.”
• The way I look, it’s just one part of who I am, and has nothing to do with my worth
• There is so much more to life than worrying about my appearance.
• My body is simply a vessel for my soul.
• Acceptance of my body starts in my head, acceptance of my body continues in my heart.

Quotes:

• “I made a decision that I just wanted to be happy with my body and happy with who I am” -Lizzo
• “Feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like.” -Emma Watson

Coming to a good place with your body is important no matter what is happening in your life, but especially as you head towards your wedding! Weddings cause a ton of stress and put a lot of pressure on you so it’s important to treat your body with kindness and appreciate the love that it is able to express towards yourself and your body. It’s time to celebrate it!

No one can explain the journey and benefits of body neutrality more than our beautiful amputee bride, Jay Elle Myers. Read on to learn more of her story!

What is your story?

“I was born with a condition called fibular hemimelia which is a very rare disorder. Only 1 in 40,000 people are born with it. I had a 7-inch length discrepancy between my legs, my foot would not lay flat on the ground so I was walking on the ball of my foot, and my toes.”

“My knees and hips are still very uneven just from the birth defect. I had to wear a special prosthetic that cradled my foot and had straps to hold it in. They added an artificial foot to the bottom of the prosthetic to add some height so that I could walk better, but the reality was, my leg was still doing things every day that it just wasn’t made to do. I couldn’t walk or stand for more than 15-20 minutes without being in pain and having to sit down. I ended up choosing amputation at 21 for quality-of-life purposes.”

“Since then, I met my husband, Tyler, when I joined a small group bible study he was a part of at our local church and now we are happily married!”

“My husband was the most supportive human being in this whole process and was so encouraging. He helped uplift me every day getting closer to the wedding because he knew I would be nervous, and he wanted to provide me with reassurance that he would think I was beautiful, and that he would be there no matter what happened during the day. Whether you are disabled or not, no matter what you are struggling with, at the end of that day, you are married to your best friend and that is what makes the entire experience worth it.”

How did you feel wearing your wedding dress, Harlem by Maggie Sottero, and how did the fit feel?

“I really loved my dress. I had the pink tulle added underneath with a lot of glitter to make it feel more ‘me.’ I am all about the glitter, so I wanted it to have tons of it!”

“Initially, I was very nervous about how any of the gowns were going to fit. I found Providence Place in Rockwall, TX, where I reside and when I went on their website to see what gowns they had, I saw they carried Maggie Sottero!

“In my wedding dress research, I didn’t see any models that looked like me, so I thought I was going to go into the shop and feel like a whale. I told the shop owner, Kristin, and she gave me reassurance that most of the brides that walked into the shop were my size and that she had plenty of gowns to try on that I could fit into. I told her I had seen a dress called Harlem on the website that I was in love with and that it looked like the one she currently had in the window. Come to find out, the one in the window was the Harlem dress!”

“I picked out five other gowns and told her I was saving Harlem for last. The first gown I tried on, I looked in the mirror and actually thought I looked nice. I was surprised. I tried on all of the gowns and liked some of them enough to actually consider, but I was still curious about Harlem. I finally tried it on and the second I had it on, I knew it was the one. It was everything I ever dreamed of in a bridal gown.”

Love the look of Harlem on Jay? Read our blog to see more of our Princess-inspired wedding dresses!

What vision did you have while searching for your dress and what was your experience shipping for your gown with an amputation?

“Well, first, I just want to give a shout-out to both Kristin, the owner of Providence Place, and Karen, who did my alterations. Both of them helped me get in and out of the dress because my balance is awful. If I cannot see, I have trouble not falling over. They were both absolute sweethearts and SO understanding of my needs. I truly believe God sent me there for a reason. They were blessings to me and went above and beyond. It made it much easier to shop for gowns. I have a hard time going into a store and trying on regular clothes, so to have help was just incredible – it was an amazing experience!”

“Because I’m 5’11”, most of the dresses were at a pretty good height for me to be able to walk around in them without snagging on my prosthetic foot. My biggest fear was that I’d step on the dress on the way down the aisle and either fall or tear the dress. Karen made sure it was taken up to where I could get my feet under it when I walked. My vision for the dress was “fairytale.” We got married in a venue that is an actual castle and both my husband and I love Disney, so we had a few Disney undertones at the wedding. I wanted to feel like rock n’ roll Disney princess complete with glitter.”

You underwent a huge change in your body. How did you navigate that change mentally, emotionally, and physically?

“To be honest, not very well. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship when I amputated and was in a toxic living environment. I got out of that as soon as I had my prosthetic and could walk with the help of crutches, but that was months later. I didn’t do a good job of taking care of myself after surgery and healed slower than most because my mental health was affecting my physical health.”

“I would absolutely advise anyone who is having an elective surgery to make wise decisions regarding their home life before having the procedure. It makes a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and how motivated you are to get better. It is crucial to your healing process. Surround yourself with a positive, encouraging circle of people. That is the most important thing!”

How did you practice body neutrality and self-love after your surgery?

“Once I got to a place where I was healthy mentally, I started taking more risks, and doing things I wouldn’t normally say ‘yes’ to! The wildest was volunteering with Winged Ambassadors in Georgia (where I had the surgery and lived for ten years). The organization trains and cares for birds of prey. They also do shows with the birds to educate the public about them. We had owls, vultures, hawks, falcons, and even a bald eagle. It was one of the most fun times in my life and I cherish those memories. Doing things I wouldn’t normally do just gave me more confidence and I ended up proving to myself I could do more than what I initially thought I was capable of.”

What has been your journey with body neutrality since your amputation?

“Body neutrality is a constant work in progress for me.”

“The biggest struggle, I believe, was overcoming the fact that even though I do have a better quality of life, I still cannot do everything the same way everyone else can. I have to put my pride down sometimes and admit that I do need an electric wheelchair at Disney World because I still cannot walk long distances — even though I can walk for much longer than I used to.”

“I have to let my husband help me with things around the house. And I have to do modified workouts. Anything other people can do; I have to try 3x harder to do those same things and I have to make decisions about whether or not it is worth it to do those things. I woke up on the morning before amputation saying, ‘I can’t wait to be someone that goes for runs or hikes just because I can!’ You will absolutely not catch me running or hiking in any capacity because that wouldn’t be worth it to me even if I had two legs. LOL. “

“My husband did get me a pink tricycle for Christmas with a basket on the back of it. I take my 9-year-old cocker spaniel, Dash, for rides, and my husband skateboards. I cannot ride a bike anymore because I have no balance, so the tricycle was a great Christmas gift and gives me the ability to do something outside!”

What was your wedding day like for you, and how did you practice self-love on your wedding day?

“The wedding day was beautiful! My mom, Candy, put so much work into decorating so there were intricate details scattered throughout. She even put little blue birds on the ends of the candelabras holding a ribbon to look like the birds in Cinderella when they are working on her dress. She did all the decorations herself and my whole family and my husband’s family came early to help her set up. It was really special and made us feel so loved.”

“My sister, Mandy, was my Maid of Honor and I felt so blessed to have her by my side. My ‘first look’ with my dad was one of the most special moments of the day. Just hearing him say I looked beautiful and that he was happy for us is a memory I will cherish forever. Other highlights were listening to my husband say the vows he wrote himself and hugging my new mother and father-in-law after the ceremony. All of it was just so special and made me feel warm and fuzzy! I swore I was not going to cry because I am typically not a crier, but I bawled a couple of times that day.”

“When it came to practicing body neutrality on my wedding day, body positivity doesn’t come easy to me, especially the past couple of years. Not only is my leg different than everyone else’s, but I am also now at my heaviest weight, and due to some health issues, I was unable to lose the weight no matter how hard I tried while preparing for the wedding last year. I was very self-conscious the day of the wedding no matter how hard I tried not to be.”

“I’m not very good at seeing what everyone else sees when they look at me, so I have to remind myself that what is seen on the outside isn’t the most important part. My hips are still very uneven due to my birth defect so I do have a ‘penguin walk’ (I call it that to be funny) and I was very nervous about how apparent that would be walking down the aisle. Having my dad hold my arm gave me more stability, and I just tried to remember that no matter how I felt about myself, no one else was going to see me that way. Everyone who was there would’ve loved me no matter how many curls I had in my hair, how much makeup I had on my face, or how much I weighed. The only person I had to impress there was myself and my husband and he was grinning ear to ear the entire day. Overall, the most important part was just keeping a positive mindset and remembering to take in the little things!”

“Also, I would also like to shout out First Steps Prosthetics in Rowlett, TX who helped me build my positive mindset! Sean was my prosthetist, and he went above and beyond to make sure I had a prosthetic that fit well and looked incredible for my wedding day. I even got his opinion on the Disney couples print before he laminated it and he was so encouraging and told me to go for it. It is honestly my favorite prosthetic I’ve ever had!”

What is some advice you would give to brides with disabilities who are wedding dress shopping?

“There are two main pieces of advice I have:”

1. “Do not be so hard on yourself and have a sense of humor. Go into it with the understanding that you do not look like everyone else and that’s what makes you unique! Take encouraging people with you who will laugh with you and ooh and ahh at every dress you try on because YOU are the most important thing about the dress. I may have a disability, but that doesn’t mean I understand how every person with a disability feels. We are all different in our own ways so I’m not going to pretend I have the perfect advice for every person, but I do know laughing about the situation can get you through just about anything. Taking a supportive few people can also help a lot with reminding you of your self-worth if you start getting into a negative headspace.”
2. “Above all, remember that you are beautiful because you were specially made to be in this world, and no one is perfect.”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves! For tips on how to shop for your wedding dress make sure to read our blog.

When it comes down to it, practicing body neutrality starts with you. However long the process is though, make sure to maintain a positive mindset like our Real Bride Jay does and have amazing people around you to support you every step of the way!

To become one of our Real Brides, make sure to submit your photos through the link below, and read more Blogs Like This for more expert advice!

More Blogs Like This:

Part II: A Real Bride’s Advice on How to Practice Self-Love for Your Wedding Day

Maintaining Body Positivity In Your Bridal Appointment

12-Month Body and Mental Wellness Tips for Wedding Preparation

All photos courtesy of Birds on a Wire Photography.